The American Lover Page 8

  “Sex god? Me?” I smirked. Not what Cassie thought, was it?

  “Oh come on, no false modesty, please! You know I'm punching well above my weight.”

  “Please stop saying things like that, because it really pisses me off, to be honest, Faith. Let’s just agree that we’re two consenting adults who’ve decided they’d like to spend some time together, and who may or may not end up having sex. Don't sell yourself short, Faith, because either way, I’ll consider myself a lucky guy just to be spending some time in your company.”

  Chapter 5 - Faith

  Part of me was glad that Harriet was away working, and not around to help me decide what to wear for my Valentine’s date with Caleb. She would have practically forced me to wear something sultry and sexy, and that was so not me. I’d initiated things with him, and I’d already decided that if I was going to do this, it had to be on my terms, or there was no point in doing it at all.

  I still couldn’t quite believe I was actually going to go ahead with it. I’d picked up my phone to cancel at least half a dozen times during the course of Friday afternoon - Caleb had insisted I take the afternoon off, once we’d completed the assignment by lunch time.

  But each time I nearly chickened out, I stopped and asked myself - when was I ever going to get a better chance to finally move on? Despite being so good looking and so experienced, Caleb hadn't laughed at me or turned me down. Neither had he freaked when I’d laid out some of my worries to him. Instead, he’d promised we would take things at my pace, and that he’d be cool if I wanted to back out at any time. He’d also been responsible, assuring me he was sexually clean, and stating upfront he’d use a condom, which I totally respected. When were things ever going to get better than this?

  I sighed as I picked up Drew’s photo.

  “I wouldn’t be doing this if you were still around, you do know that don't you?” I whispered as I touched his face. “But you’re not. You went and got yourself killed. And now I have to live the rest of my life without you. So please, don't make me feel guilty.”

  It didn't really work. I still felt torn. But that was how it always was. I always ended up torn between yesterday, today and tomorrow. What had been, how it was now, and how to move on into the future.

  I showered and undertook all the necessary tedious personal grooming chores. Arm pits and legs shaved, lady garden all neat and tidy. I supposed that was one advantage to being single - nobody knew if you let yourself go.

  I let my hair dry loose and straight, instead of scraping it back out of the way as I usually did. It had got really long now, because I hadn't bothered to go to the hairdressers since I couldn’t remember when.

  Stan’s tail twitched as he sat watching me while I went through my wardrobe, trying to find something suitable to wear. Even though I assumed the dress code for tonight would be fairly casual, my usual laid back outfit of choice - comfy joggers or jeans and one of Drew’s old T shirts or sweat shirts - was not going to cut it.

  “It’s February, it’s cold, and I hate being cold,” I grumbled. “So I’m certainly not wearing anything skimpy or thin.”

  Stan meowed as he jumped up on my bed and made for the pale blue knitted sweater dress I’d thrown on there.

  “Oh no you don’t. I know it’s nice and soft, but it’s much too good to end up as cat’s bedding.”

  I picked it up and looked at it. At least it would be warm, and although it was quite short and clingy, at least that meant I did actually look like a female in it. I held it up against me as I looked in the full length mirror, and decided I could wear it with thick tights and boots.

  Tights? Everyone knew guys hated tights. But no problem, because if I did end up in Caleb’s hotel room, I was planning on disappearing into the bathroom to get ready, so he wouldn’t get to see me in them.

  Then I could gargle with some mouth wash, and clean my teeth to make sure there was nothing caught in them. Use the loo. Remove difficult and unsexy items of clothing such as the tights. And while I was in there, he could get undressed, which would avoid all the fumbling around with buttons and zips and socks. Then I could come out wearing my robe, slip into bed and voila! We could get on with doing the deed.

  I had it all planned out.

  I hated frilly, fussy underwear, but as I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror, I thought the boy shorts and bra set I was wearing wasn’t too bad. White with tiny blue flowers. I didn't have anything sexier, so it would have to do.

  My reflection showed that I was skinny, with quite long legs, and a surprisingly large bust for someone of my petite build. I’d been self conscious about my boobs when I was a teenager - until I’d met Drew.

  “Skinny girl with long legs and big tits. That’s what I noticed first time I saw you at that party, standing there in your jeans and T shirt,” Drew used to tell me. “And there is nothing sexier on God’s earth than that. And I loved how you were just natural, you weren’t trying too hard, unlike those other girls with all their heavy makeup and slutty clothes.”

  I hadn't been interested in anyone else having those kinds of thoughts about me since he’d died, so I preferred to keep myself covered up.

  But now?

  You know what? Maybe it would feel good to see a look of admiration in Caleb’s eyes, to maybe surprise him just a little. I slipped the sweater dress on, and noticed how it hugged the curves I'd almost forgotten I had. Yep, it would do.

  Rather than call a taxi, I drove myself to Caleb’s hotel. That way, if I needed to make a quick escape, I could. Downside was I couldn’t drink much alcohol, but that didn't worry me, I wasn't bothered about booze. It was why I’d never minded if Drew had enjoyed having a few beers when we went out, because I was quite happy to abstain in order to drive us home.

  And anyway, alcohol only made you lose control, and I couldn’t risk that, not when I had to keep a tight lid on my feelings at all times. My secret fear was that if I did ever start drinking to try and numb the pain, I probably wouldn’t be able to stop.

  Once I got to the hotel, I left my coat and overnight bag at reception, so I’d be able to quickly grab them if things went pear shaped, and I needed to make a quick getaway. Or I could just collect them on my way up to Caleb’s room, if that was how things panned out.

  Control. I always felt better when I had things under control.

  Then I made my way to the hotel bar, where we’d agreed to meet at seven. I took a deep breath as I glanced at myself in the mirror behind the bar, hoping that I looked okay. I hadn't got my glasses on as I found the stupid things really annoying, the way they slipped down my nose all the time, so I only wore them at work or for driving. Now it meant that I couldn’t see too much detail thanks to myopic blurriness, but I didn't seem to look too bad. There are some things to be said for poor eyesight.

  “Punctual. I like that in a woman. And wow, you scrub up pretty darn good, Faith.”

  Caleb had come up behind me, so now I turned to look at him. His voice was already deep and throaty and sexy, and his American accent just heightened that sexiness. He was wearing a black shirt, no tie, and black jeans. He looked different out of the expensive kind of suits I’d seen him in at work, but in a good way. As he leaned down to kiss me, his freshly shaved yet still bristly cheek brushed against mine. God, how I’d missed that ultra masculine touch. And he smelt clean and manly, nothing overpowering, just nice. Very nice, actually.

  Caleb seemed to turn on some kind of special charm as those amber eyes of his looked into mine, and I instantly felt myself falling under his spell, as they were the kind of eyes you could easily get lost in. As he put his hand on my waist, I couldn’t help shivering in anticipation of what this evening promised.

  No doubt about it, I was in the hands of an expert in this whole subtle seduction business. But that was the whole point, that’s what I'd signed up for, so I might as well just let myself be swept along by him.

  He smiled his glorious smile at me, and as he let his eyes wander
over my body, it gave me some satisfaction to note his spark of interest.

  “I’m so glad you agreed to come on this date, Faith, otherwise I'd never have known what I was missing. You look amazing.”

  “Thanks. You don’t scrub up too bad yourself,” I smiled back, flattered by his reaction, but aware that it was all part of an act.

  “Would you like a drink here at the bar, or shall we head straight to our table?” Caleb enquired politely.

  “Let’s go to the table,” I suggested, as I glanced round at the red Valentine-themed venue. In the corner of the room, there was a smallish dance floor, with a DJ in the process of setting things up.

  Great, that would mean we’d have to put up with all the cheesy romantic bilge he’d no doubt be playing this evening. The last thing I wanted was someone droning on about everlasting love and me getting upset. That’s why I’d taken to listening to Gregorian chants these days to help me relax.

  Romance was not on the menu tonight as far as I was concerned, and I just had to hope my nerve was going to hold, as I was feeling ridiculously nervous at the thought of actually getting naked with Caleb. Part of me was really tempted to give into the urge to run out of the door in a blind panic, and pretend this whole thing had been nothing more than a stupid dream. But I somehow managed to resist the urge by reminding myself that Caleb had promised he’d be totally fine about me changing my mind at any time.

  As we were seated, I was presented with a single red rose by the waiter, before he busied himself with lighting the candle on the table.

  “Part of the whole Valentine evening experience,” Caleb whispered as he winked at me. “Might as well just go along with it.”

  I rolled my eyes, but held my tongue. After all, it’d been me who’d suggested a Valentine’s date, hadn't it?

  The waiter hovered impatiently as he waited to take our order. Luckily it was a set menu, so the limited choice made the selection easier for me. I never had a great appetite at the best of times, and being nervous made it even harder for me to think about food.

  Before I knew it, a glass of champagne had appeared by my side, even though I hadn't ordered it. No doubt another part of the whole Valentine dinner thing. Rather than churlishly refusing it, I decided I’d just sip it slowly and make it last. I’d still be okay to drive if I needed to, as long as I stuck with just the one glass of champagne.

  “So, how long have you worked for the bank?” Caleb asked, once our food arrived. Being a typical guy, he’d picked the steak, while I’d chosen the much lighter poached salmon option, although I noticed he also ordered a green salad to go with his steak instead of chips. I watched fascinated as he did the weird American thing of cutting up his food and then putting his knife down and using just his fork to eat. It seemed such a cack-handed way of doing things, when these Yanks were supposed to be all about efficiency.

  “Since I left uni - about six years,” I replied. “I’ve worked in various areas, and it’s probably about time for me to move on again, once this latest project I’ve been working on is up and running. I just haven’t got around to doing anything about it yet.”

  “No, I guess that’s understandable, all things considered. But if you wanted, I have connections. I could put out some feelers, point you in the right direction, check your résumé over, that kind of thing. I think you have the potential to do really well, Faith, so I think you should give your career progression some serious consideration,” Caleb offered.

  “That’s very kind of you, and I’ll certainly think about it.” Yeah, right. Polite chit chat. Caleb helping me was not going to happen once he went back to the States, was it?

  “But we shouldn't spend our evening talking about work. What are your hobbies? Do you play any sport at all?” Caleb swiftly moved the conversation on.

  “I’m not really sporty. Team games and I don’t do well together. I’m more of a solitary, long walk kind of person. How about you?”

  Anyone like me, who’d always been the last one picked out to join a team, would have an understandable lifelong loathing of team games.

  “My work schedule doesn’t really allow for me to play team games these days, but I like to run and I also like weight training,” Caleb told me.

  “It shows,” I commented, glancing at his honed and toned body.

  “Well, you have to make the effort and find time to exercise when you sit at a desk for a large part of the day. Trust me, I know only too well how easy it is to end up out of shape,” he elaborated. “So, I gather you don't live far from here, from what you said the other day when you gave me a ride?”

  “Yes, that’s right. I live in East Sheen, not far from Richmond. Nothing grand, just a one bedroom flat, part of an old house conversion.”

  “Do you rent it?”

  “No, I own it, actually.”

  Caleb looked impressed.

  “You’re doing pretty well then, seeing as property in London is some of the most expensive in the world. But I guess that means your mortgage repayments must be pretty high,” Caleb probed. I wasn’t sure why he seemed so interested in my finances, but I supposed it was his way of making conversation - he was a banker after all.

  “When Drew and I bought the flat a few years back, we got it for a good price because it needed a lot doing to it, which we did ourselves to save money. And when he set up his own business, we were given what turned out to be good advice about making sure we had sufficient insurance cover. So when Drew died, all the loans and mortgages were paid off, which means I now own the flat outright. I also got a lump sum, which I’ve invested, along with the proceeds from selling his business. On top of that, thanks to the type of insurance we had, I also get a guaranteed index-linked income for life. So, not that I ever wanted things to be this way, but I’ve actually ended up better off financially now than when Drew was alive and we were struggling to keep on top of everything. Funny old world eh?”

  For some reason, Caleb seemed to relax when I told him this. It was weird the way I seemed to be able to open up to him. No one outside my family had any real idea about the state of my private finances, and yet I'd divulged pretty much everything to Caleb in the space of a few minutes.

  “I guess it is, but at least you’ve been left secure. Your husband certainly did right by you,” he stated with obvious approval.

  “Yes, but Drew used to worry about covering all the insurance payments, as well as all our other bills and commitments. That’s one of the reasons he rode his motorbike to work, so we didn't have the expense of running two cars. But I’d rather be broke and still have him here, than have him killed in a motorbike accident just to save a few pounds,” I whispered.

  Caleb reached across and gripped my hand.

  “I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to get upset this evening. That’s the last thing I intended.”

  “It’s okay. You know, for some reason I don't mind talking about Drew with you, and it seems to help. That’s if you don't mind - I know it’s all a bit odd,” I tried to explain.

  “No, I don't mind at all. In fact, I’m real glad you feel able to open up, so please don't think talking about your husband with me is in any way taboo. And you know, from what you’ve told me about Drew, I think I'd have liked him, as he kinda reminds me of my brother Seth.”

  “That’s a nice thing to say,” I murmured.

  “Well, in case you hadn't noticed, I am actually quite a nice guy.” Another flash of that gorgeous smile of his.

  “Yeah, I guess you are,” I smiled back. “So, your turn now. Seeing as I’ve filled you in a bit about Drew, perhaps you could tell me something about your wife in return. What was she like?”

  Caleb’s smile disappeared in an instant.

  “Ex wife. And there’s nothing much to say about Cassie. My marriage had been dead in the water for a long time even before the divorce. And now it’s been dealt with, all done and dusted.”

  Caleb’s expression froze as he quickly slipped a mask of indifference int
o place. He obviously still had deep issues, seeing as he found it hard to even broach the subject of his ex-wife. Clearly the subject of Cassie was not all done and dusted, however much Caleb might try and kid himself. Trust me, I knew all about avoidance tactics.

  “How long were you married before you got divorced?” I stubbornly persisted, determined to try and gain at least a little more personal insight into the man that I was potentially going to be sleeping with tonight.

  “About seven years,” he begrudgingly told me, as he scowled and took a large slug of his drink.

  “Any kids?”

  “No, thank Christ. Look, I really don't want to spend our date talking about Cassie. All I can say is that in the long run, my ex did me a favour, because she opened up my eyes and made me look at the world more realistically.”

  Made you look at the world more cynically, I couldn’t help thinking. That she had hurt him really badly was blindingly obvious. And for that, I instantly hated her, this Cassie. But I knew better than to let any kind of pity show, knowing instinctively how much he’d hate that.

  “So you concentrated on ruthlessly working your way into the top echelons of the mighty American Western Bank,” I smiled.

  “Pretty much,” he agreed, his tension dissipating once we moved onto what was obviously a much more comfortable topic for him.

  “Are you based in San Francisco permanently?”

  “For now. I was based in New York for a while last year, but I've relocated back to California at present.”

  “Do you have your own place?”

  “Yes, I do. I had to sell the house Cassie and I jointly owned in order to give her half of the equity as part of the divorce settlement, so it took me a while to get settled again. She wanted every penny she could get from me, and even though she was the one who cheated, that’s what the courts granted her. I also had to take care of all kinds of debts she’d secretly run up behind my back, because I was the primary card holder. Boy, she really took me to the cleaners.” I could hear the bitterness in his voice. “But now I’m back on top of things again. I’ve bought myself a condo in San Francisco, which will be a good investment even if I end up relocating with my job again, because I can easily rent it out.”